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Monday 26 April 2010

A Dose of the Narks

Well, Stormy had his usual lock-in on Friday and we all ended up three sheets to the wind. Spockfingers was there, giving it laldy at the karaoke machine. It'll be a long time before I'll want to hear "Overnite Sensation" again, I can tell you. Not to mention Black Box's "Ride on Time". At least, that's what I THINK it was called.
Anyone remember the T-G's idea about the trench? well, after Stormy finally called time, we all thought it would be a good time to start digging it. But after about five minutes hacking away at the heather-clad peat, we all ran out of energy. So we now have a kind of shallow ditch running east/west across the moor.
Remember Dave and Valerie Nark? the eco-warriors who lived in the yurt up at the tourist car park last summer? well, they've been away on an extended eco-friendly holiday somewhere hot 'n' horrible in Central America, but now they're back - and they are in a right friggin' state about the ditch.
"You're digging up priceless peat reserves. You're releasing immeasurable amounts of carbon into the atmosphere, and killing the planet," Dave raved, as he tied the chin strap of his Peruvian hat tighter under his chin, to keep out the north easterly whipping across the Bay.
Who knew? not us, obviously.
"Yeah? wot are U going to do about it?" said Spockfingers, belligerently.
Geoffrey and I decided to take a gentler approach, and have invited them round for one of our "special teas" later this week...

Friday 23 April 2010

Another windy day in the Bay


A bit blowy here again. (Photos of the Bay currently being used have been sent in by regular reader Jim. I can't use a camera what with my hooves not having fingers.)

Biscuit of the week - the Orange Club

These are half price (72p) in Somerfield at the moment, which is why they are our biscuit of the week. The Jacob's Club is not my favourite biscuit, but it is cheap, and you have to have something with a cup of tea, so it will do. That's all I'm saying.

breakfast of the week - the double egg roll

Geoffrey doesn't eat eggs. To him, it's cannibalism. I can understand that, of course. But when he nipped out to get a breath of fresh air earlier, I took the opportunity of making myself a double fried egg roll with a red sauce garnish and some salt and pepper. I then opened the windows to get rid of the evidence i.e. "fried egg smell".
By the way - I'd like to apologise if the "juxtapositioning" of the photo below, and the photo shown here, has caused any readers to reach for the Rennies due to "abdominal discomfort" and/or nausea. Soz!!

breakfast of the week - the double egg roll

Geoffrey doesn't eat eggs. To him, it's cannibalism. I can understand that, of course. But when he nipped out to get a breath of fresh air earlier, I took the opportunity of making myself a double fried egg roll with a red sauce garnish and some salt and pepper. I then opened the windows to get rid of the evidence i.e. "fried egg smell".
By the way - I'd like to apologise if the "juxtapositioning" of the photo below, and the photo shown here, has caused any readers to reach for the Rennies due to "abdominal discomfort" and/or nausea. Soz!!

Tuesday 20 April 2010

Cake of the Week

This is a new feature - cake of the week. This week's cake is the Co-operative's Ginger Loaf Cake. The T-G brought it round yesterday when he stopped by for another chat about the pylon/road problem (yawn - call me shallow, but I'm bored rigid already). We didn't open it till he went away - naturally - but as soon as he disappeared across the moors, we ripped open the packaging and tucked in. As you can see, there isn't much left.
It's nice and moist with small pieces of stem ginger mixed through, and a crunchy sugar topping. I haven't examined the list of ingredients, as I don't want to scare myself, but the extreme lightness and stickiness of the cake leads me to suspect the presence of not entirely natural substances. I will update this later once I put my specs on/when I get round to it.

Thursday 15 April 2010

Geoffrey's back to normal

Geoffrey's back to normal, thank frig. The partial soul extraction "wore off" - although I'm tending to the view that it may well not have happened in the first place. A soul extractor? what a load of codswallop...oops - the Tupfinder General has just tapped on the door so better throw the old tartan knee rug over this lot for a sec. till I see what he wants.
Three hours later...the T-G was all apologetic about the "accident" with the soul extractor, saying that his sleeve must have caught on a handle, or something, and he brought a plateful of sausage rolls to make up for it. Fine by me. I'd swap my immortal soul for a fresh Tower Bakery sausage roll, any day.
He's still wittering on about the trench.
"We could get Titus and Spockfingers to do the heavy labouring, Tuppy."
"Oh yes. Asked them about it, have you?"
"Er, no."
"Hmmph. I shouldn't waste your breath. They aren't into manual labour. especially Spockfingers."
"It might help them shift a few pounds. Heaven knows they could do with it."
"Are you saying I'm fat? or are my ears needing cleaned out?" Spockfingers' dulcet tones bellowed through the half-opened window. (well, it IS spring-time)
"Probably both," replied the T-G rather acidly.
"How very dare you! I'm big-boned! Just you wait there one minute..." and there was a loud splintering sound as Spockfingers attempted to heave himself through the window-frame.
"See what I mean," I whispered as the T-G put on his cape ready for a quick exit.

Saturday 10 April 2010

Geoffrey has his soul partially extracted.

Blimey. What a week it's been. It all started with the planned meeting at Tupfinder Towers, to discuss ways of sabotaging the new road which is being built across the moors, to transport the wind farm turbines to goodness only knows where along the cliffs. The Tupfinder side-tracked things by insisting we first have a shot of his new soul extractor machine, and once he got the thing fired up there was no stopping him.
Luckily one of the poo foo valves over-heated and only a partial extraction/capturing of the essence was possible. And at first, there seemed no way of telling who it was that had been affected.
However, once the machine had cooled down and the meeting was convened, all became clear.
Mrs T-G came in with a platter of sausage rolls, and I'm sorry to say Geoffrey devoured the lot willy nilly and without so much as a by your leave. Due to the machine going off "half cock", his face had not been turned to stone, as such, but his expression definitely was "stoney". Not to mention his personality. He actually became quite aggressive if anyone (i.e. me) so much as sniffed a sausage roll. He even told me to "bog off", which I will not forget in a hurry I can tell you.
Currently the soul extractor does not have a reverse gear, but the Tupfinder feels confident he will remedy that soon.
I hope so. This carry on is doing my nerves no good at all. Geoffrey's snapping at me for the least thing - slippers not warm enough, tea not brewed to his liking, knee rug not positioned in exactly the right way. He's driving me up the flaming wall.
re. new road prevention solutions by the way - only idea that emerged from what - apart from Geoffrey's antics - was a VERY dull meeting was from the Tupfinder - he suggested digging a very large trench along the boundary of "Hereabouts", into which any alien/unwanted machinery would topple. I think that's a very poor idea. For one thing, who's to do the digging of this massive hole? I've got a dicky knee, and Geoffrey's got a "glass back". No, we'll have to think "outside the box"...

Saturday 3 April 2010

our breakfast


Geoffrey's sandwich is the top one, garnished with red sauce (he's still on the healthy eating thing), and mine is the lower one, garnished with brown. Either is good, to be honest, and just the very dab after a night at Stormy's lock-in. More of that later, plus more on the wind farm/soul extractor meeting.

Friday 2 April 2010

the Tupfinder General reveals a new invention

"But why is the face twisted in that horrible, repulsive way?" whispered Geoffrey. "And is it REALLY the ghastly Wilson?"
"Yes!" boomed the T-G, as he opened the vast oaken, iron-clad door, releasing a cloud of smoke from his pipe and the wonderful aroma of a freshly opened packet of sausage rolls. "Yes!" he continued. "It IS Wilson. Captured in stone. Just shows you what can happen when the wind changes."
"But it's not really him, surely? after all, we only saw him the other day. Surely it's just his...er...likeness? not his real head?" quavered Geoffrey.
"It's his soul, Goeffrey," replied the T-G, proudly. " An exact likeness, as you put it, of his inner essence. I've got a machine that does it. I call it the soul extractor. Made it myself out of bits and pieces. Come on in and I'll give you a shot on it before we get down to business."
"Great!" we chorused. I heard two muffled "clicks" as Tuppence removed the safety catch on his pistols.

we have our stomachs turned on the way to the wind farm meeting

We all made our way along to Tupfinder Towers, as arranged, on Wednesday at the witching hour. Some people didn't know when that was, or were too scared to go out at that time, but at any rate Geoffrey and I were not deterred and bolstered by a flask of madeira and the prospect of Mrs T-G's sausage rolls we staggered up the ivy-covered steps, past the rows of grotesque, leering gargoyles, and hammered on the iron-clad door with a convenient rock.
"What on earth is THAT supposed to be?" gasped Geoffrey, staring in horror at one of the gargoyles.
"Don't you mean WHO?" piped a familiar voice. It was none other than Tuppence. We haven't seen him in AGES. He had crept up behind us in a pair of rubber-soled shoes, and was armed to the teeth, as usual, with a hunting knife stuck in his belt, knuckle dusters, and sporting his customary brace of pistols.
"Well, WHO, then? and for goodness sake keep those pistols pointing the other way. The OTHER way, if you please! the OTHER...oh for HEAVEN'S sake!"
"Look closely, uncle Tuppy and uncle Geoffrey."
"Blimey! it's enough to turn your stomach."
"Yes. That's the whole point, I think.