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Wednesday 31 October 2012

The Old Asylum, part something or other. Bein' Deid's Barry Fun...

"Bein' deid's barry fun then, is it?" asked Stinkin' Maggie.
"Nobody has used that word since 1982," sneered corpse one.
"Weel it's rare fun then. Wicked fun, yeah?" she offered hopefully.
The three corpses rolled their dead eyes, which then fell out of their respective sockets and landed on the smoking ruins of the old asylum with a horrid splatting kind of noise.
Then they opened their cavernous mouths and let out a ghastly RAOAOAOAOAOAOAOARR!!!!!  The accompanying foul blast of breath was so powerful that it lifted Stinkin' Maggie into the air, and transported her back to the Black Hut, where Granny Mack waited patiently with a loaded shotgun, filling her time by biting the heads off kittens and spitting then into a pot for soup, while thinking up her latest homily with which to slowly but relentlessly bore her victims to death.
"Keep calm and...no, done that. If life gives you lemons...nope, done that too. If your glass looks half empty, cheer the fork up and pour yourself another...hmmmm...not quite there....It takes ninety five muscles to smile, and only one to frown...hmmm..noooo.....it's not what happens to you in life, it's how you deal with it....no, even I don't believe that...."
"STO-O-O-OP!!" shrieked Stinkin' Maggie, "I can't take any more positivity! Take me back to the dark lands where the spirits go...."
"All in good time, O Stinkin' One...now where was I? Oh yes. If you're down in the dumps, bake a cake! even better - a few hedgehogs.  Erm... what else? Have some Me-time...yes."
"SHUT UP!"
"Hark at you! Nobody's asking you to listen."
"Could you just help me get my leg out of the chimney stack then, and I'll be on my way?  thank you."

more later

 

Sunday 21 October 2012

Friday 12 October 2012

blaven isle of skye by sea penguin

dead tree st bride's church by sea penguin
 
Blaven sky-line, and a dead tree growing on St Bride's church wall, Isle of Skye.

Saturday 29 September 2012

#Sod the lot of U,
I'm avvin a fag
Sod the lot of U
I'm avvin a drag#

(repeat ad nauseam)

Thursday 27 September 2012

Five star review on Amazon

detail from sea penguin painting by barry nicol all rights reserved
A five star review has just appeared on Amazon.com for the first of my series of four e-books. 
"...you can even smell salt of the Sea of the Hebrides..."

(No, it's not been written by a friend or anyone I've asked!  I should get on that actually....)
Here's the link.

A previous review in Scottish literary magazine Northwords Now (in Spring 2011) said the tales (which hadn't yet at that time been published as e-books) were " a fun and sometimes spooky read". 

Please be aware that you don't need a Kindle or an e-reader to read these.  When you order one you can download a FREE app. to your PC, phone, whatever that enables you to read.
That's what I did anyway, as I don't possess an e-reader.  Only problem I've had with it is, I had to re-install it twice, but it was very easy.

Saturday 22 September 2012

Soup made from the blood of our victims

soup by sea penguin 22./09/2012
This is just number one in an upcoming series  "how to dispose of your victims".

Liquidise them, make them into soup, and "enjoy".  Note the garnish of black bits floating on the top.

The Dumper Truck

dumper truck by sea penguin 22/09/2012