The Dark Thing in my Bag

"I need you to unleash the Twirly Wirly thing, and I need you to do it now T-G." I had managed to scramble up the ivy, after glimpsing the Dark Thing in my bag and remembering, despite the lingering haze of mutant wasp venom, why I was there, three hundred feet up a wall, in the first frigging place.
"Yes get a move on Uncle Tuppy.  Do stop making like a woolly spider and get into the secret room before we all die of boredom."
I could scarcely believe it!  My nephew Tuppence was already there, leaning out of the mullioned window alongside the Tupfinder General!
I decided to leave the whys and what fors till I was safely off the ivy with both hands free and a clear head;  I had a distinct feeling that I might need to have my wits about me.  I grabbed hold of the end of the shepherd's crook which the Tupfinder was helpfully pointing in my direction, and heaved myself up and over the window ledge.
Unfortunately my hoof caught on a strand of ivy, and as I kicked it free, I knocked out one of the leaded panes of glass in the T-G's mullioned windows.
"Ooops!  Sorry T-G," I gasped, as the shards tinkled and clattered to the ground.
"Tuppy!  Have a care, for pity's sake!  That glass is original 12th century Venetian, lifted from the Doge's Palace by my ancestor Mad Finlay.  Besides, it's draughty enough in here.  Mrs T-G will have a fit - especially when she finds out it's you that did it.  She's still fuming about the French Diary episode (see previous posts)"
"Sorry T-G.  I can plug the hole with my old hanky.  That'll stop the draught at any rate."  As I stuffed my large pocket handkerchief (embroidered with the letter "T") into the broken pane, I glanced downwards and saw the ghastly Kiltie Twins staring up at me and pointing.  Another figure, bulky, and wearing a rough Harris tweed two-piece, was heading towards them,  carrying what looked like a shotgun slung across her ample shoulders, and a  tray of black sausage rolls.
It was Mrs T-G.

more later

From last summer's trip to Skye.  Hoping for another good one this year.

Quote of the Day - from Camus' The Fall

'Then it was that the thought of death burst into my daily life.  I would measure the years separating me from my end. I would look for examples of men my age who were already dead.  And I was tormented by the thought that I might not have time to accomplish my task.  What task?  I had no idea.......No one, ever again, would know the truth on this point since the only one to know it was precisely the dead man sleeping on his secret.  That absolute murder of a truth used to make me dizzy.  Today, by the way, it would cause me instead subtle joys.  The idea, for instance, that I am the only one to know what everyone is looking for and that I have at home an object which has kept the police of three countries on the run to no avail is a sheer delight.  But let's not go into that.  At the time I had not yet found the recipe and I was fretting.'
From my copy of Albert Camus' The Fall, Penguin 1980 edition, page 66.
One of these books that I'd forgotten I had.  My favourite Camus used to be A Happy Death.  Pretty grim and intense stuff, but with an unrelenting honesty to it that meant a lot to me as a youngster as I tried to find a place for myself in a world that seemed terribly fake. 
(Of course I never did find a place for myself, but hey.)
I'm sure that reading volumes like this, even if like me it's so long ago that you forget that you have, affects the workings of your brain, permanently.  Affects the Actual Brain Chemistry.  Like seeing something strikingly amazing as a child,  or like meeting somebody with whom there is that unexpected warmth of like-minded recognition, so that it doesn't really matter what occurs after or that you might not meet again, because that moment has made you remember that you are not alone in the universe; or like a comforting hand upon the shoulder at a difficult moment, it always stays with you even if you can't consciously remember.  Like an imprint on the spirit, or on the soul, if you believe in souls. 

I've updated my Amazon pages.  Here is the link to the U.S. one, since most readers seem to be from there. The U.S. page also shows blog posts, which the U.K. one doesn't, so it's better. 
I intend doing pages for France and Germany as well, since I've had interest from there.  I'm not sure if I might write them in my own pretty brutal Franglais and pidgin German, just for a laugh. 
It's inconvenient/a right pain to have to do separate pages for each country.   You'd think Amazon would be able to fix that. 
Probably something to do with tax, I imagine.

THE TROGGS TAPES FULL EXTENDED 11 MIN VERSION WARNING! VERY STRONG LANGU...

"YOU'RE DOING IT FUCKING WRONG!!" Marvellous.  The Troggs were great, despite the execrable Love is all Around.  Glad Reg Presley made some money out of that, however, because I gather that they didn't make much in the 60s.

Fairport Convention The Hanging Song

One of my favourite songs from one of my favourite bands.  Love Dave Swarbrick's voice.
From their album Babbacombe Lee.

Robert Wyatt - Sea Song

Mr. Creosote

Is it Possible to be Bored and Terrified at the Same Time?

Ah well.  It's great to be home, toasting my feet before a roaring driftwood fire and sipping a large mug of Madeira.
How did I get here?  I can't for the life of me remember,  and it's probably just as well.  Geoffrey assures me that it was all a horrible dream - except for the part where we were sitting on Saturn's rings.  Which leads me to think that we might still be there, and that my cosy fireside is an illusion, brought on by either boredom or terror.  Or both.
Is it possible to be bored and terrified at the same time?
I will ask Geoffrey.
"Geoffrey?"
"Yes, I think it is.  For example - "
"But I haven't asked you anything yet.  Oh no!  Don't tell me you're at the mind-reading again.  Where's your Mind-reading Prevention Device, or M.P.D.?  Put it on immediately."
"No.  I have a new Device.  It's a Mind-reading Filtre,  or M.F.  It enables me to choose which minds to home in on and read, rather than having to endure the chitter chatter of many minds, when in range of course.  Some people's minds are rather unsavoury, Tuppy.  You'd be surprised."
"I wouldn't," I thought.
"Yes you would.  And no, I don't mean normal dirt and muck, or wanting to put a pillow over my face to stop me snoring PERMANENTLY, or hiding packets of Gypsy Creams and Black Bogey behind the skirting and pretending we've run out.  Yes, I know about all that, because I saw your thoughts - it was just like being at a magick lantern show, except it was deeply hurtful and upsetting and there was no popcorn and nobody sneezing in the seat behind without covering their mouth."
I was aghast.  Talk about intrusive!  I tried to make my mind as blank as possible by thinking about Nothing...nothing.....nothing.....Gosh it was difficult.  So much for people saying I'm empty-headed.
Geoffrey was still rattling on. "It's all right Tuppy - I forgive you.  I understand your foibles,  despite your not understanding mine and being horribly impatient with me.  What I mean is, some people think nasty, poisonous thoughts about other people.  They assume the worst.  They suffer agonies of jealousy and they want to bring them down.  These thoughts occupy most of their waking moments, and as a result they make their own lives miserable as well as the lives of those around them.  I can't bear it Tuppy!"
He began to sob.
"Fetch the M.P.D. right now Geoffrey,"  I snapped, "I'm sure it's still in the attic - possibly underneath the coracle.  The new-fangled M.F. obviously is no earthly use whatever, and you're starting to rave, albeit rather feebly.  This carry-on has to stop, and stop NOW.  While you're searching for it I'm going to have an opium tabloid to take the edge off my morbid fear of still being on Saturn's ring and my own cosy fireside just being a trick of the over-taxed brain, and ponder today's conundrum - is it possible to be both bored and terrified at the same time."

more later

Quote of the Day - from Scott's Journals

Extract from Robert Falcon Scott's Journals -  'Sunday, October 8. - ....Troubles rarely come singly, and it occurred to me after Clissold had been brought in that Taylor, who had been bicycling to the Turk's Head, was overdue.  We were relieved to hear that with glasses two figures could be seen approaching in South Bay, but at supper Wright appeared very hot and said that Taylor was exhausted in South Bay - he wanted brandy and hot drink.  I thought it best to despatch another relief party,  but before they were well round the point Taylor was seen coming over the land.  He was fearfully done.  He must have pressed on towards his objective long after his reason should have warned him that it was time to turn;  with this and a good deal of anxiety about Clissold, the day terminates very unpleasantly.'

Prog track of the Day - Egg - Long Piece No.3 Part 2

Really like Egg at the moment. 

Jimmy Page In Conversation (BBC Dec 2012) *Full Interview*

Kennedy Medals and a comfy middle-aged-style interview with the BBC.  It'll be knighthoods next.  Ghastly, yes - but Led Zeppelin can transcend all.    Marvellous to see Jimmy Page at any rate.
(Nice teeth.)