More Chic Murray lines from Robbie Grigor's invaluable "Just Daft - the Chic Murray Story" (Birlinn books)
"Just bought the wife a Jaguar - great investment, it's just bit her leg off."
"My wife's a red head - no hair, just a red head."
"A man went into a pet shop and asked to buy a pet wasp. 'We don't stock pet wasps.' 'Well, how come you've got two in the window?"
"Looking at the obituary columns, it never fails to amaze me how many people die in alphabetical order."
"Did I know him? Of course I did. I was in the actual firing squad that shot him.' 'Funny, he didn't mention that.' 'Och, he was a quiet lad really.'
"Nothing's worn under the kilt. It's all in perfect working order."
Chic was in a few films and did a fair bit of TV work. However, he had a couple of bad breaks when the Royal Variety Performance he was scheduled to be in, was cancelled due to the Suez crisis, and when his American agent was killed in a car crash just as he was setting up some appearances in the U.S. which could have been crucial to Chic's career.
He was very good friends with Billy Connelly and got along well also with Spike Milligan, who described him as 'one of the top comics in the world.'
Sunday 6 March 2011
Friday 4 March 2011
More thoughts on Chic Murray
The thing that puts me off Chic Murray is the tartan connection. By and large, I don't much like Scottish comedians. (that sounds like the beginning of a Chic Murray joke...) and I can't stand tartan kitsch unless it's completely ironic and having the total guts ripped out of it.
Scottish comedians of a certain type and generation, that is. Loathe Hector Nicol, Jimmy Logan, Duncan Macrae - all the White Heather Club and Hogmanay stuff.
I've been looking at some Youtube footage of Chic. What puts me off is the audience. My parents' generation. Reminds me of horrible Hogmanays with leering drunken men and everybody stinking of whisky and three sheets to the wind. Usually some Andy Stewart or Calum Kennedy blaring away in the background. Oh what fun. Not. I hate it for its hypocrisy and its misogyny.
So in a way, I prefer to read Chic's stuff.
I don't think he was that keen on the tartan crap himself, but hard to escape it at that time really. Personally I'd like to have seen him with no canned laughter and no tartan AT ALL - just the jokes.
Scottish comedians of a certain type and generation, that is. Loathe Hector Nicol, Jimmy Logan, Duncan Macrae - all the White Heather Club and Hogmanay stuff.
I've been looking at some Youtube footage of Chic. What puts me off is the audience. My parents' generation. Reminds me of horrible Hogmanays with leering drunken men and everybody stinking of whisky and three sheets to the wind. Usually some Andy Stewart or Calum Kennedy blaring away in the background. Oh what fun. Not. I hate it for its hypocrisy and its misogyny.
So in a way, I prefer to read Chic's stuff.
I don't think he was that keen on the tartan crap himself, but hard to escape it at that time really. Personally I'd like to have seen him with no canned laughter and no tartan AT ALL - just the jokes.
More thoughts on Chic Murray
The thing that puts me off Chic Murray is the tartan connection. By and large, I don't much like Scottish comedians. (that sounds like the beginnings of a Chic Murray joke...) and I can't stand tartan kitsch unless it's completely ironic and having the total guts ripped out of it.
Scottish comedians of a certain type and generation, that is. Loathe Hector Nicol, Jimmy Logan, Duncan Macrae - all the White Heather Club and Hogmanay stuff.
I've been looking at some Youtube footage of Chic. What puts me off is the audience. My parents' generation. Reminds me of horrible Hogmanays with leering drunken men and everybody stinking of whisky and three sheets to the wind. Usually some Andy Stewart or Calum Kennedy blaring away in the background. Oh what fun. Not. I hate it for its hypocrisy and its misogyny.
So in a way, I prefer to read Chic's stuff.
I don't think he was that keen on the tartan crap himself, but hard to escape it at that time really. Personally I'd like to have seen him with no canned laughter and no tartan AT ALL - just the jokes.
Scottish comedians of a certain type and generation, that is. Loathe Hector Nicol, Jimmy Logan, Duncan Macrae - all the White Heather Club and Hogmanay stuff.
I've been looking at some Youtube footage of Chic. What puts me off is the audience. My parents' generation. Reminds me of horrible Hogmanays with leering drunken men and everybody stinking of whisky and three sheets to the wind. Usually some Andy Stewart or Calum Kennedy blaring away in the background. Oh what fun. Not. I hate it for its hypocrisy and its misogyny.
So in a way, I prefer to read Chic's stuff.
I don't think he was that keen on the tartan crap himself, but hard to escape it at that time really. Personally I'd like to have seen him with no canned laughter and no tartan AT ALL - just the jokes.
Some Chic Murray quotes
All from Robbie Grigor's book about Chic Murray, "Just Daft" published by Birlinn books.
'Unfortunately, at the AGM of the Unspeakably Shy Society (Rutherglen branch) nobody was able to attend.' (possibly my favourite, as I can identify...)
'I don't care if he was the head of the Light Brigade. There will be no charging here!'
'If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?'
'In the Olympic village, a man wearing trainers and carrying a long stick, was asked by a stranger, ' Are you a pole vaulter?' 'Nein. I am German. But how did you know my name is Walter?'
'I was making tea in my pyjamas. I must remember to buy a teapot.'
'Ah! but what have I got up my sleeve? A broken arm if you're not careful.'
'She wasn't all there. But I thought there was enough to make it interesting.'
'I got on a bus and went upstairs. The conductor asked for my fare. 'A single to the west End please,' I said. 'We don't go to the West End,' he said. I said, 'But you've got West End on the front of the bus.' He said, 'We've got Persil on the back of the bus but we don't take in washing.'
'That boy needed a good hiding. So I took him away and hid him where they'll never find him.'
'I walked into the bedroom. The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real.'
Loads more. Like I said before, the monologue The Nose is the funniest thing I've ever read.
Best £14.99 I've spent in a long while.
'Unfortunately, at the AGM of the Unspeakably Shy Society (Rutherglen branch) nobody was able to attend.' (possibly my favourite, as I can identify...)
'I don't care if he was the head of the Light Brigade. There will be no charging here!'
'If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?'
'In the Olympic village, a man wearing trainers and carrying a long stick, was asked by a stranger, ' Are you a pole vaulter?' 'Nein. I am German. But how did you know my name is Walter?'
'I was making tea in my pyjamas. I must remember to buy a teapot.'
'Ah! but what have I got up my sleeve? A broken arm if you're not careful.'
'She wasn't all there. But I thought there was enough to make it interesting.'
'I got on a bus and went upstairs. The conductor asked for my fare. 'A single to the west End please,' I said. 'We don't go to the West End,' he said. I said, 'But you've got West End on the front of the bus.' He said, 'We've got Persil on the back of the bus but we don't take in washing.'
'That boy needed a good hiding. So I took him away and hid him where they'll never find him.'
'I walked into the bedroom. The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real.'
Loads more. Like I said before, the monologue The Nose is the funniest thing I've ever read.
Best £14.99 I've spent in a long while.
Some Chic Murray quotes
All from Robbie Grigor's book about Chic Murray, "Just Daft" published by Birlinn books.
'Unfortunately, at the AGM of the Unspeakably Shy Society (Rutherglen branch) nobody was able to attend.' (possibly my favourite, as I can identify...)
'I don't care if he was the head of the Light Brigade. There will be no charging here!'
'If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?'
'In the Olympic village, a man wearing trainers and carrying a long stick, was asked by a stranger, ' Are you a pole vaulter?' 'Nein. I am German. But how did you know my name is Walter?'
'I was making tea in my pyjamas. I must remember to buy a teapot.'
'Ah! but what have I got up my sleeve? A broken arm if you're not careful.'
'She wasn't all there. But I thought there was enough to make it interesting.'
'I got on a bus and went upstairs. The conductor asked for my fare. 'A single to the west End please,' I said. 'We don't go to the West End,' he said. I said, 'But you've got West End on the front of the bus.' He said, 'We've got Persil on the back of the bus but we don't take in washing.'
'That boy needed a good hiding. So I took him away and hid him where they'll never find him.'
'I walked into the bedroom. The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real.'
Loads more. Like I said before, the monologue The Nose is the funniest thing I've ever read.
Best £14.99 I've spent in a long while.
'Unfortunately, at the AGM of the Unspeakably Shy Society (Rutherglen branch) nobody was able to attend.' (possibly my favourite, as I can identify...)
'I don't care if he was the head of the Light Brigade. There will be no charging here!'
'If something's neither here nor there, where the hell is it?'
'In the Olympic village, a man wearing trainers and carrying a long stick, was asked by a stranger, ' Are you a pole vaulter?' 'Nein. I am German. But how did you know my name is Walter?'
'I was making tea in my pyjamas. I must remember to buy a teapot.'
'Ah! but what have I got up my sleeve? A broken arm if you're not careful.'
'She wasn't all there. But I thought there was enough to make it interesting.'
'I got on a bus and went upstairs. The conductor asked for my fare. 'A single to the west End please,' I said. 'We don't go to the West End,' he said. I said, 'But you've got West End on the front of the bus.' He said, 'We've got Persil on the back of the bus but we don't take in washing.'
'That boy needed a good hiding. So I took him away and hid him where they'll never find him.'
'I walked into the bedroom. The curtains were drawn but the furniture was real.'
Loads more. Like I said before, the monologue The Nose is the funniest thing I've ever read.
Best £14.99 I've spent in a long while.
Thursday 3 March 2011
Monday 28 February 2011
Thought for the day...
Be all you can be!
That was a really crap slogan from a few years back - one of these regular "get Scotland 'ealthy" campaigns, if I remember rightly.
As if.
I'm going to spend the rest of today wallowing in the tepid, bacteria-infested waters of my own neurosis.
I might decide to be a man tomorrow - again!
Sunday 27 February 2011
Cake of the week - Walker's Sultana and Cherry
I like cake, and this is not bad. I bought it in a Spar, and it was quite clearly a remnant of their unused Christmas stock, sitting as it was next to unsold tins of petticoat tails, Black *retch* Bun, and so forth.
It has a good flavour, but it is a little on the dry side.
Overall - I think I'll manage to force it down as long as I have plenty tea along with.
Salty snack of the week
Salt 'n' potato based snack of the week - Pringles Xtreme Smokin' Ribs.
They are disgusting. I should know - I ate quite a lot of them, before I decided....
Belch.
Salty snack of the week
Salt 'n' potato based snack of the week - Pringles Xtreme Smokin' Ribs.
They are disgusting. I should know - I ate quite a lot of them, before I decided....
Belch.
Thursday 24 February 2011
Two more Scots wurds o' the day
These are the two I originally thought of - but then I got distracted. Chambers's Scots Dictionary is riveting. Really...
"Stramash" - this is interesting. Stramash is a well-known word, not obscure at all. Most frequently used as a noun. An uproar; a tumult; a disturbance, fuss; smash, crash; wreck and ruin. However, it can also be used as a verb. I was unaware of that. To break in pieces, wreck. Hmm...
"Stushie; stushy" - an uproar or commotion. Another very well-known wurd.
I can be doing without any further stramashes or stushies for the foreseeable, thank you very much.
"Stramash" - this is interesting. Stramash is a well-known word, not obscure at all. Most frequently used as a noun. An uproar; a tumult; a disturbance, fuss; smash, crash; wreck and ruin. However, it can also be used as a verb. I was unaware of that. To break in pieces, wreck. Hmm...
"Stushie; stushy" - an uproar or commotion. Another very well-known wurd.
I can be doing without any further stramashes or stushies for the foreseeable, thank you very much.
Scots wurd o' the day
Well there are three ackshully.
First off - "Shallmillens" n. meaning fragments. "I seem to have sat on a packet of Hobnobs and now I'm afraid they're in shallmillens. Gutted. Serve me right for keeping them in my back pocket."
(Blimey I'm a bit tense today - post just dropped through the letterbox and I about jumped out of my skin.)
Secondly - "Strang-pig" - n. a vessel for preserving urine as a lye. "I'm off down to Ikea to get another Strang-pig - thon one's no' hauf sprung a leak."
Thirdly - everyone knows this one but I'm putting it in as it's one of my favourites - "Stravaig" v. to saunter, stroll; to go about aimlessly and idly. "I've spent my whole life stravaiging about and whit's wrang wi' that? You got a problem wi' me?" *nut*
First off - "Shallmillens" n. meaning fragments. "I seem to have sat on a packet of Hobnobs and now I'm afraid they're in shallmillens. Gutted. Serve me right for keeping them in my back pocket."
(Blimey I'm a bit tense today - post just dropped through the letterbox and I about jumped out of my skin.)
Secondly - "Strang-pig" - n. a vessel for preserving urine as a lye. "I'm off down to Ikea to get another Strang-pig - thon one's no' hauf sprung a leak."
Thirdly - everyone knows this one but I'm putting it in as it's one of my favourites - "Stravaig" v. to saunter, stroll; to go about aimlessly and idly. "I've spent my whole life stravaiging about and whit's wrang wi' that? You got a problem wi' me?" *nut*
Scots wurd o' the day
Well there are three ackshully.
First off - "Shallmillens" n. meaning fragments. "I seem to have sat on a packet of Hobnobs and now I'm afraid they're in shallmillens. Gutted. Serve me right for keeping them in my back pocket."
(Blimey I'm a bit tense today - post just dropped through the letterbox and I about jumped out of my skin.)
Secondly - "Strang-pig" - n. a vessel for preserving urine as a lye. "I'm off down to Ikea to get another Strang-pig - thon one's no' hauf sprung a leak."
Thirdly - everyone knows this one but I'm putting it in as it's one of my favourites - "Stravaig" v. to saunter, stroll; to go about aimlessly and idly. "I've spent my whole life stravaiging about and whit's wrang wi' that? You got a problem wi' me?" *nut*
First off - "Shallmillens" n. meaning fragments. "I seem to have sat on a packet of Hobnobs and now I'm afraid they're in shallmillens. Gutted. Serve me right for keeping them in my back pocket."
(Blimey I'm a bit tense today - post just dropped through the letterbox and I about jumped out of my skin.)
Secondly - "Strang-pig" - n. a vessel for preserving urine as a lye. "I'm off down to Ikea to get another Strang-pig - thon one's no' hauf sprung a leak."
Thirdly - everyone knows this one but I'm putting it in as it's one of my favourites - "Stravaig" v. to saunter, stroll; to go about aimlessly and idly. "I've spent my whole life stravaiging about and whit's wrang wi' that? You got a problem wi' me?" *nut*
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