'Keep going until you can't,' said the T-G, pausing by the open flap door of Val Nark's Holistic Vaxing Yurt to pack some Black Bogey into his Meerschaum pipe (with its bowl fashioned into the shape of the Transantarctic Mountains). 'That's my motto these days, Santa. For what it's worth. Which is probably quite a bit, coming from me. Why do yourself down - that's another of my mottos.' And he gave a wink and a thumbs up as he moved on.
Santa was 'proning' on Val Nark's portable massage table with five 'hot stones' on his back. His red jacket and hat lay folded on a yoga mat on the floor beside him. Val's ear candling kit sat tidily on a low stool, ready for use. A sixth 'hot stone' - a large chunk of granite, salvaged from a ruined croft up on the moors - sat sizzling on top of the log burner in the centre of the yurt.
'Thanks,' he replied stoically. 'Unfortunately I think I've reached the 'can't' part.'
'How are we getting on Santa?' Val bustled in. 'Ready for your ear candling? Oh - I think you could manage another hot stone on that dodgy 13th lumbar vertebra. Here you go!'
Val reached over to the log burner and picked up the stone with a large pair of iron tongs. 'It's been on there all day - must be super hot.' She dropped it quickly on Santa's lower back. 'Which is the whole point and I'm sure it'll do you a power of good. Take the pain and always be positive! That's my motto!'
'OWYA BANDIT!' Santa bellowed, as the burning stone made contact. The massage table buckled in the middle at its vulnerable folding point, depositing Santa in a red and white heap on the floor on top of six hot stones and the ear candling kit.
He pulled a Sharpie out from behind his ear and wrote on the back of his hand
KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU CAN'T
WHY DO YOURSELF DOWN
TAKE THE PAIN AND ALWAYS BE POSITIVE
Next time - Santa returns to the North Pole/Greenland/somewhere cold and nurses himself back to health, ready for next Christmas
