September's Novel Progress Chart, or N.P.C. (flat-lining already)

Starting September off with a BANG

Yes, here we go with another month of novel-writing, using my top-notch 'motivational tool', featured on the left.
I'm thinking of patenting it, along with my Book of Secrets, 'How to be a Self-Starter'.  It's so secret I don't even know what's in it, myself. In fact, it doesn't exist.  Well, it does, but only in the darker reaches of my celleb...cereb...whatever.  The part of my brain that deals with that kind of thing.  What kind of thing?  The Kind of Thing that Will Never Happen,  Not Even in a Million Years.
Last month's N.P.C. got scrunchled up and flung in the bin, and I expect this one will, as well.
Who ARE these bastards that actually manage to write novels?  Especially ones that get published! They can fuck right off.  Sorry and all that, but they can.
I'm off to have a fag.

So I Thought I could write a novel...... in a month.......Today's N.P.C.....

Perhaps I COULD have - if I'd been chained up in a windowless cellar with a packet of biro pens and limitless paper, no biscuits and nothing else to do.  As it is, or was.....here is the scientific proof that I haven't.  Viz. my Novel Progress Chart, or NPC, covering the last month.....
Today I managed to plan the 'structure'.  I have no plot, just a 'structure'. And I've identified some of the characters about whom I might be able to summon the enthusiasm to write.  Or something.  Whatever...

Today's Novel Progress Chart, or N.P.C. - like cheese ripening in a cellar.

My novel progress chart, or N.P.C.

Looks good, don' it?  I bin workin' so-o-o-o harrrdddd..............
It's maturing deep inside my brain, like cheese ripening in a dank cellar.  The kind of cheese that you have to smoke and soak in alcohol in order for it to reach its full potential.
The kind of cheese that has mould running through it; it's not 'bad' mould though, it's a good, healthy mould formed by a special kind of bacteria called Glaxius Smithius Kleinius, which holds the cure for all known ills.  Including rabies, psychopathy, ebola and morbid obesity.  Probably.
I have done some work on three short stories which I've had on Word for about two years.  I think I might finish one of them this week.  If the weather remains as bad as it is...

In the meantime, please have a look at the shop I opened on Etsy.  It has examples of Barry's work (that's the Barry who did all the artwork for the Seapenguin e-books) including postcards of the original Seapenguin picture for just £2.  More on the way.  https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/BlueCoracle?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Find all five of my e-books here http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kate-Smart/e/B008MFK3NE/ref=sr_ntt_srch_lnk_1?qid=1407855670&sr=8-1

Today's N.P.C. (Novel Progress Chart)

Novel Progress Chart, or N.P.C.

Flat-lining again.    Does thinking about it count?  No, didn't think so.  Ah well....

Today's Novel Progress Chart, or 'N.P.C.'

Today's N.P.C.

Flatlining.  Might get some done later.  In the middle of trying to organise money so that I can survive while writing a novel.  It's an ever-decreasing circle.

My Novel Progress Chart, or 'N.P.C.'

Like Mrs T-G I have also started writing a novel, and after a bit of thinking and wondering I've now got a plan and a pattern for it, which appeals to me, and which doesn't feel too daunting. Unlike Mrs T-G, I don't live in Tupfinder Towers in a magical world where 'munny' is not required, so I'm not able to lock myself away in an 'upper room', and I have to earn to survive at the same time, which is an absolute pain in the neck to be honest.  However.  I don't want to live in a tent eating berries by the roadside, so I'll just have to shut up and get on with it.
I'll chart my progress along the way.