Alexa peered into the eyepiece. A bright star twinkled at her from somewhere deep in the vast Magellanic Cloud.
'Wow this is awesome. I feel like my entire body is going to be sucked right through the telescope towards the star eyeball first but it's prob'ly only my immortal soul or whatever. It kind of makes two weeks in Lanzarote seem very tame and pointless,' she thought. 'I wonder if I should bin my Onlyfans career...I don't like to admit it but I don't like it...wait is that star getting brighter? Yes it is...OK so this is kind of a celestial two blinks for yes, one blink for no kind of deal, which is totally fine. So, should I just not do Onlyfans? I'd never admit it out loud but it doesn't feel right. Imagine if Mr Stevens the dairy produce manager at Speedispend saw me. Or even the Tupfinder General! I can't bear the thought of that. Yes I think I should just bin it.'
The star twinkled even more brightly and seemed to dance a little.
'But if I bin it, I'd have to do even more hours as a cleaner. And I don't think I could hack that.'
The star faded disapprovingly.
'Or perhaps I could...'
The star brightened a little.
'Should I...?'
CRUMP CRUMP CRUMP
The star vanished.
Someone heavy-footed was climbing the spiral staircase. The door creaked open and Mrs Tupfinder General appeared carrying a tray of steaming black sausage rolls and a large jug of murky, bilious green liquid which plopped and bubbled and seemed to be producing some type of noxious gas.
'I thought you might like a refreshment. Consulting the telescope can be draining. By the way Alexa, I happen to be looking for someone to help me with some written work I'm doing. It's a monograph on the Kantian hermeneutic paradigm and its irruption through the symbolic order and I need someone who can work a computer and basically type the bastard out for me. Val Nark says you're quite reliable for a young person. Not that I pay any attention to what she says but I was wondering if you might be available? I will pay real cash money.'
Alexa stared at the blank spot where the star had been. 'Well?' she asked, silently and in trepidation...
Next time - Alexa and Mrs T-G engage in discussions about mirrors and the authentic self - plus, why the star cannot cope with Mrs T-G, and why cheese footballs are only ever available at Christmas time except at Home Bargains.
