Stay warm, stay safe - STAY IN!!!!

Need I say more? Here we are, surrounded by icy trackless wastes and no end in sight. Temperatures refusing to rise much above minus freakin' ten. Piles of frozen snow heaped up depressingly on every corner. Everything underfoot seemingly sheet ice and impossible to walk on. The "sun" or what passes for such, crawling along the horizon as if it's suffering from a bad hangover or even a dose of - dare I say it and risk another needle attack by the ghastly Wilson - swine flu.

But there's good news on the health front!! smokers who quit have an 80% higher chance of developing type 2 diabetes. Higher than whom? non-smokers, apparently, according to some insane, shrieking woman on the 24 hour news channel (accessed by us when we're brave enough to totter along the glassy death trap-style path to Apsley and Cherry's heated patio). But it stands to reason that if you DON'T quit, then you must remain at an 80% less chance of developing it, than if you DID? ergo, same as a non-smoker?

Whatever. Pass me the Black Bogey, Geoffrey and let's have another smoke ring blowing contest.

Happy New Year!!!

A very happy new year to all our readers! Geoffrey and I celebrated in traditional style with a sing song round the fire, and a lock-in at the Puff Inn, during which we imbibed our usual, plus. Plus what? well, I'll go so far as to say we had to rig up an impromptu stomach pump using an old bicycle pump and some plastic tubing that had been washed up on the shore at some point. When I say "we" rigged it up, I should really say "they", as said pump was applied in no uncertain manner to MY innards. Very undignified and I'm sure I would have been FINE without it. Geoffrey and I are still barely on speaking terms. I hate an atmosphere, despite what Geoffrey says about me creating them willy nilly. I can't think WHAT he means??
Our plans for the New Year are VERY exciting. We aim to defy medical science and make names for ourselves by changing our diet - or rather, modifying it. yes!! for the next six months we are going to subsist on meat products ONLY. No pineapple kubes. No beef, chicken or smoky bacon flavour krisps or salty snax. Prawn koktale flavr are a moot point at present. No wheat (rolls, bread, biscuits, cake etc.) or any other grain.
We aim to explore the full ramifications of eating a diet composed of processed meat, and processed meat ALONE. Watch this space for what I am certain will be eye-watering news. Speaking of which - I have to complete my bowel cancer test before the sell-by. Something (common sense, perchance?) tells me I'd better get it done BEFORE we proceed further along the processed meat route...