'Dave we've got our first guest in the holistic voluntary self euthanasia care space and I've just realised we've got two big problems. Man up please.'
'You mean the killing yurt.' murmured Dave, who had his back to Val as he replaced the battery in his trail cam.
'Number one - they've got a needle phobia and they don't like tea, you're going to have to inject them Dave because I won't have time, I'm all booked up with hot stoning clients this morning.'
'WHAT? No I'm sorry Val. There's another word for euthanasia, and it's murder. I'm not doing it and neither should you.'
'But they've signed the disclaimer Dave. It's totally fine.'
'What does the disclaimer actually say Val?'
'It says they're over 55, they want to end their earthly journey now, and if anything should go wrong, e.g. coma, paralysis and/or mental incapacity or whatever, they're sane at the point of signing therefore they accept that they're 100% responsible for anything that happens and they won't sue. Plus, I've extended my professional liability insurance that I use for my hot stoning to cover wellness self-euthanasing. We're totally covered Dave. Now get on with it, we don't want a negative review on Trip Advisor. Not that they'll be around to write one but...'
'What's the second problem?'
'Well, you know how I said they paid half up front half on completion?'
'Yes...'
'I just realised that if there is a 'completion', then they'll have ended their earthly journey and won't be able to pay the remainder.'
'How terrible. Well, maybe you should just scrap the whole thing Val and stick to the hot stoning and the ear candling.'
'Perhaps Dave but what do we do with the guest that's already here? They're ready to depart this world and eager for us to assist.'
'Just give them their deposit back Val, and offer them one of my wildlife safaris. I've repaired the holes in the kayak and I can take them round the loch, there's a pair of grebes nesting in the reed beds. We might even see an otter. That's sure to bring back the will to live. OW!
Dave winced as Val smacked him in the third eye with a hot stone.
