I was interested to watch The Cure (previous post).  I'm the same age as Robert Smith.  Getting old is strange and I'm curious to know what others are making of it. Are they, like me, trying to find their way across unknown and potentially difficult terrain with dodgy knees?  On the one hand you are thankful to have made it this far, and in reasonable state.  A few aches and pains,  nothing too drastic.  One mustn't grumble when others are falling off the shelf or clinging on by their fingernails.   Could do with a bit more money ('she failed to plan sufficiently for her retirement'), it's been a tough year,  but that's not everything, far from it.  On the other hand you find it difficult.  Odd.  Mind-blowingly so.  Or, a 'challenge', to use a more positive word.   Death lurks round the corner - but then it always does, no matter your age.  You find yourself looking back at former friendships, temporary alliances, such-like, and seeing them afresh, through eyes that have seen and learned a bit more since then.  It doesn't help that I've a tendency to 'over think'.  Or perhaps it does!  Maybe the thing is just to immerse yourself in a vat of brandy or something and just numb it out.  One of these days it'll all be over anyhow.   But I spent far too many years numbing stuff out when I was young and in any case one would like to have managed to figure a few things out before then - a clear head is required. 

I know of people who spend their time going out for lunches and suppers and taking fancy holidays.  I can't do that,  I can't afford to, and also, even if I could I'm not terribly interested in that kind of thing.  I can still read, listen to music and watch films.  Being out of doors is also vital - keeping in contact with the natural world.  None of these things cost anything, thank goodness. 

There's also the tiresome side issue (as far as I'm concerned) of the different approach of many to the ageing female as opposed to the ageing male.  But I'll just park that rusty Vauxhall in a muddy layby for now.

Keep reasonably active, stay interested, don't look too far ahead, keep an open mind.   The lid of the coffin hasn't quite slammed shut, there's still a sliver of light...

Who knows, who knows.  I hope to have a few more adventures yet.  Donald Trump is 78 and he's president of the USA...Joe Biden is 82 and he's - well, perhaps best not pursue that line of thought, it's too weird.  How old is Vladimir Putin again?  Never let it be said that I lack ambition.

My thoughts turning inwards as November grows darker and stormier.  

THE CURE :: SONGS OF A LOST WORLD :: FULL LIVE STREAM

 Hard to know what to write at the moment because the world seems so strange and dangerous.  I don't know where to start.  I'm not sure if it's the way the world really is or just how it appears to be via the internet.

Still thinking...

It's nearly autumn so...

 I'm going in.  I've had this copy since 1980 and it's never left my side except in 1983, when I worked abroad and travelled light.   Others will understand why, I'm sure. 

Love Minus Zero/No Limit - Bob Dylan (With On-Screen Lyrics)

Turkish Teeth

 

Apologies for the total dearth of posts at the moment.  I had a complete blank writing-wise for a few weeks - experience tells me not to force it, it only comes out even worse than the usual un-forced stuff - and then a nasty bout of covid.   If only Dave Nark had been around with his covid marshal cattle prod, hazmat suit and hi viz jacket.   

But he wasn't.  He was elsewhere.  And by elsewhere,  I mean he was testing out one of Val's new-fangled 'death pods'.  Yes, she finally cracked it.  Guests can now say their final goodbyes to the Earthly plane in an eco-friendly green energy-style camping-cum-death pod,  comforted by a hand-made nettle fibre welcome basket filled with last minute artisan-style comestibles and self care items like deadly nightshade tea and gravel flapjax, hemlock toothpaste, arsenic body butter and strychnine shampoo.

'I really can't go these gravel flapjax,' Dave muttered.  'Not even if I dunk them in the deadly nightshade tea.  Val knows full well that I killed the nerves in my teeth playing the jawharp when I was busking my way across Europe back in the day and they all turned black.  I can manage a digestive if I have to but that's it. Oh well.  Someone else will have to test the death pod and its comestibles.  I'm off for a walk.'

NEXT TIME Dave reads a news article about 'Turkish teeth' and thinks he might busk his way across Europe again to get some.

Death Pods

'Death pods' churned out on a 3D printer.   What could possibly go wrong...

 https://www.msn.com/en-gb/news/world/tesla-of-euthanasia-death-capsule-that-kills-occupant-in-seconds-to-be-used-for-first-time/ar-BB1ptFCA?ocid=socialshare&pc=DCTS&cvid=bfbae116b85d4ff29b48208b9791e7f6&ei=27

 

Dave's Third Eye Pops Out

 Turns out that Dave's third eye couldn't handle the thorny moral dilemma of whether or not Dave should murder his insane wife, and simply popped out.  It fell on to the floor with a plopping sound and rolled into a gap in the skirting, where it shrivelled up and turned into a walnut-soaked-in-vinegar-like thing.  One day in the future a child will find it, and that child will probably grow up wondering why it has an adam's apple-style lump in its forehead which can read everybody's minds.

'Have you tried offering her a nice cup of tea Dave?' Geoffrey suggested.  'With a white chocolate digestive or two maybe.'

'What a good idea.  I'll do that right now.  Val!  Nice cup of tea and a digestive for you! ' Dave rolled his eyes.

'A well-meaning but, dare I say it, a stupid suggestion Geoffrey,' I said.  'Especially when we have heavy duty drugs in our medical chest.  Laudanum,  opium tabloids, curare.  Paraldehyde.   Fetch the glass syringe and the blow-pipe Geoffrey.  Let's get to work.'

The Smiths - How Soon Is Now? (Official Music Video)

 Safe to say the world has pretty much lost its shit at the moment.   

Everything feels out of control.  Bonkers people in charge everywhere.  Bonkers people protesting about stuff that makes me wonder if we're inhabiting the same universe. 

Is it time to find a suitable cave in which to sit the whole thing out?   Do I dig a bunker in the garden - or under the house - fill it with books and tins of this and that, tap into a water main and turn survivalist? 

 

Dave's Third Eye has a serious word with Dave

*Dave's third eye is speaking*   Dave - you must face reality.  Val has clearly gone completely insane.  Not only that - she's homicidal.  To use a possibly off-putting but descriptive technical term, Dave, your wife is a homicidal maniac.   This is a highly dangerous situation. You must deal with it.   I'm sorry to have to say this but this whole thing is so stressful I'll be throbbing painfully until you do, I might even get to the glowing, spontaneous combustion stage and that won't be pleasant for either of us.  

*Dave is speaking*   I wonder if I should contact Dr Wilson to get her a psychiatric referral and/or some kind of psychotropic industrial strength tranks.  Val's more of a St John's Wort type of person but I think we're probably past that stage.  Even if I added in some Evening Primrose...I mean I'm raving myself now.  Let's be honest she needs either high grade meds or locking up in a secure facility.  Probably both.  I wonder if it's menopause-related.  Goes without saying that I daren't mention that in front of Val.  

*Dave's third eye is speaking*  yes that's women's talk Dave and we never go there.  No, you have to think of the public safety aspects now.  She's concocting lethal potions in order to bump people off, and telling everyone it's a good thing.  She's saying it's over 55s only, and that it's voluntary, but she isn't going to stop there is she.  She's a seasoned killer now Dave, she's got a taste for it and she's asked you to join in.  Two words Dave.  Premeditated murder. Another two -  Saughton prison.   Need I say more?

*Dave is speaking* no, you needn't.   However,  you might give me some pointers as to what to actually do about it.   Do I call the police, psychiatric services or what?

*Dave's third eye is speaking* I'm afraid it's 'or what' Dave. 

*Dave is speaking* what do you mean?

*Dave's third eye is speaking* well, how did Val put it. Let me think...wield the cushion over the vital area, or something...

Next time- Dave fetches a cushion to wield over Val's vital area...then realises that he's about to do the very thing to Val that she asked him to do to the victims sorry guests, and which he refused to do through an excess (some might say) of principle or squeamishness...his third eye starts to throb violently and threatens to spontaneously combust due to the stress of it all...

Blog we Daily, On we Go

 Checking the old link in my bio that supposedly clicks through to Northwords Now and find it no longer takes you to the relevant page as they have updated their system.  I'm not surprised given it's 13 years old. They now save back issues as PDFs so here is a link to that.  17.pdf (northwordsnow.co.uk)  I've been living off that review/mention by Tony Ross for 13 years, you might think it's time to move on but some of us haven't got much else to move on to, frankly.

I've a story I've been working on for ten years.  I have bursts of activity on it when I think I've got a clue how it should end - or how it should be - and then I get scared and run away from it.  

Val's Lethal Income Generation Scheme becomes compulsory

 'Dave and Val have got a new income generation scheme.   I'm telling you two because you're in the zone age-wise and you might be interested.'  Tuppence emptied the last crumbs of a bag of pickled onion Monster Munch into his mouth and belched loudly. 'Meaning that you're both old.'

'That's not funny Tuppence.  As if we hadn't already heard about the holistic wellness self euthanasia care yurt.  We won't be getting involved with that, thank you.'

'I'm not surprised.  As well as being old you're fat unhealthy and selfish into the bargain.  You're breathing air and taking up space a young person could be using.  You're eating food of a very unhealthy stripe and not taking any responsibility for yourselves.  Your social attitudes are prehistoric and your time on the planet is up. You need to acknowledge that before she comes and gets you.'

'Comes and gets us?  I thought it was voluntary?'

'It WAS.... but now Val's got a pair of running shoes, a crossbow, tranquilliser darts and a van with blacked out windows.  Government issue. She doesn't need victims sorry guests to pay her because she's getting commission for each over 55 she manages to euthanase, with or without their permission.'

'How absolutely ghastly.  Geoffrey, fetch the shotgun.  We may need to defend ourselves.'

Next time....Dave's third eye starts to throb and he has a crisis of conscience....

The Killing Yurt

 'Dave we've got our first guest in the holistic voluntary self euthanasia care space and I've just realised we've got two big problems.  Man up please.'

'You mean the killing yurt.'  murmured Dave, who had his back to Val as he replaced the battery in his trail cam.

'Number one - they've got a needle phobia and they don't like tea, you're going to have to inject them Dave because I won't have time,  I'm all booked up with hot stoning clients this morning.'

'WHAT?  No I'm sorry Val.  There's another word for euthanasia, and it's murder.  I'm not doing it and neither should you.'

'But they've signed the disclaimer Dave.  It's totally fine.'

'What does the disclaimer actually say Val?'

'It says they're over 55, they want to end their earthly journey now, and if anything should go wrong, e.g. coma, paralysis and/or mental incapacity or whatever, they're sane at the point of signing therefore they accept that they're 100% responsible for anything that happens and they won't sue.  Plus, I've extended my professional liability insurance that I use for my hot stoning to cover wellness self-euthanasing.  We're totally covered Dave.  Now get on with it, we don't want a negative review on Trip Advisor.  Not that they'll be around to write one but...'

'What's the second problem?'

'Well, you know how I said they paid half up front half on completion?'

'Yes...'

'I just realised that if there is a 'completion', then they'll have ended their earthly journey and won't be able to pay the remainder.'

'How terrible.  Well, maybe you should just scrap the whole thing Val and stick to the hot stoning and the ear candling.'

'Perhaps Dave but what do we do with the guest that's already here?  They're ready to depart this world and eager for us to assist.'

'Just give them their deposit back Val, and offer them one of my wildlife safaris.  I've repaired the holes in the kayak and I can take them round the loch, there's a pair of grebes nesting in the reed beds.  We might even see an otter. That's sure to bring back the will to live. OW!

Dave winced as Val smacked him in the third eye with a hot stone.