A slight but vital correction to our previous reference to Tom and Jack Alexander doing a gig at the Hadron Collider. As it goes, they are doing a gig ON the Hadron Collider - the brave chaps are singing and playing the accordion, perched atop the thingy that careers along the thingy really fast/at a rate of some considerable knots.
Why? well, word has it that as well as performing for munny, they are attempting some sort of pioneering, high tech, non-invasive plastic surgery method - following the theory that the enormous "rush of wind" experienced as they career along the Collider will act as a wrinkle-smoothing agent, forcing any loose skin nape-of-neckwards with such force that it will/should "stick". It can then be tied into a knot and left there to turn black and "drop off" in its own time, covered conveniently in the interim by a trendy longish hairdo. Stormy Petrel has connections in showbiz circles, and he tells us that this is so.
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