Life is full of shadows and light. The worst shadow I've encountered is child abuse. It is the ultimate evil.
I saw on the news that the Catholic church can now be held responsible for the abusive actions of some of its employees - priests, and care home workers for example. I'm glad, but at the same time it makes me feel sick because it brings back so much.
I heard many accounts of child abuse as a psychotherapist. All of them were soul-destroying. Some of them involved the church, but most didn't. Most involved 'grandad', 'stepdad', 'daddy', 'mummy's new friend', or 'mummy'.
Family photographs of Army dads in their smart uniforms, with bonny blonde daughters who look just like their proud, blind wives.
Young children climbing out of windows and running through the snow, barefoot in their pyjamas, to get away from 'grandad'.
Single parents, targeted by sickos who pretend to be interested in the adult, but who are really after the little 'uns.
A GP coming in to my room, white-faced after examining a five year old who had clearly been raped. "But couldn't she have said no?" Hardly.
Yes - this is what happens in our communities every day - every day! and I'm not exaggerating. What kind of species are we?
I don't believe in 'the family'. Certainly not the nuclear version. It covers too many shadows with its bright shiny surface.
"Oh no - grandad would never....you're making that up 'slap'."
Too often the truth doesn't come out till many years later. There are far too many horrible old bastards sipping pints in their local "oh aye, he's a great lad, salt of the earth", and pinnacles of the local community hiding sordid secrets who never get called to account.
Disgusting. Is there anything we can do to stop it? Not really. Some adults are born to abuse, or at least are so bent out of shape that it seems that way, and the 'family' will mask it all. I'm fed up trying to understand the whys of it. They know it's wrong, and they still do it anyway because they have the power to terrify their victim into silence.
This is what I meant in an earlier post "Are we innately good?"
I'm tempted to think not any more, but I'm not a defeatist so am hanging on in there.
I tried to answer your post re goodness. I still think (despite having struggled through Kristeva's scholarly horrorthon) if the systems rewarded niceness we would be nicer & that you are a trifle pessimistic. Most of the dreadful things I've done haven't been intentional & the ones that were I regret & I would say that is true for many of us. I think those who abuse children (I don't think about them much) were often abused as children or else deranged. The world can be a very grim place but it contains Colette etc. Whether that makes it worthwhile is up to us. I'm listing you as an inspiration on Twitter, having scrapped my political list. The internet is full of people behaving oddly & getting the wrong idea- but your blog is special. I hope you don't think I'm trying to promote my own vile blog, but I have to leave my grubby name or else you won't leave my comment on (& I can understand why.) Best wishes & may your pen flow free. John. (don't worry I won't drop into often lol.)
ReplyDeleteAh right - I wondered if that was you before! Really pleased to hear from you. I literally had a nervous breakdown after working for too long with too many people who'd been abused - lost my faith in everything, entirely, and was a complete wreck.
ReplyDeleteYes, I believe statistically most abusers were abused - it's a terrible cycle, and I suppose the only good thing is that the cycle is often broken. I do firmly believe in our capacity to redeem ourselves and "transcend". Like everybody else I've behaved shittily myself on a regular basis but I try not to and I always regret it - there are some prize uber-shits in the world, and a fair few psychopaths, but the rest of us are just stumbling around doing our best, I think.
Your comments are welcome any time, feel free!