"What's that awful smell?"
"It's Mrs Tupfinder General's latest recipe. Black Pudding Mousse. Home-made."
"It doesn't smell like black pudding. It smells like...like...well I hate to say it, but blood."
"Well of course it does. She's been slaughtering pigs all week so she can collect enough blood for the puddings."
"Slaughtering pigs? All by herself?"
"Yes. You know what she's like. Rubber apron and a big knife."
"Good grief. Where did she get them?"
"The apron and the knife? Probably found them in the outhouses or something. They've got everything up at Tupfinder Towers."
"I meant the PIGS. Where did she get the pigs?"
"She ordered them online, apparently. From a website called ePiggandsonsdotcom. Run by a Eddie Pigg and his daughter, also called Eddie. They couldn't call the site ePigganddaughterdotcom as someone was already using that name. They provide everything pertaining to the world of pig - so long as it's a live pig that you want and nothing else."
"You're awfully well-informed. Why have I not been privy to this information?"
"You're always staring out windows or smoking your pipe, or finishing a bacon sandwich. I don't like to disturb you when you're busy. She's started an alligator farm as well. Selling steaks and making handbags from the skins."
"And I thought all she could do was knit baggy jumpers and make black sausage rolls! (see previous posts for more on black sausage rolls) What does the T-G make of all this?"
"Oh he doesn't care, as long as he gets his dinner on time. He's absorbed in some new artefact that he's nursing in his vitrine. (see e-books for more on the T-G's vitrine.)"
"I expect...oh!"
*crump crump crump*
"It's him! It's the T-G!"
"Hallo chaps. Would you mind closing the windows? I can't stomach the smell of blood for a moment longer. Have you any sal volatile? I could do with a whiff to clear my head."
"Of course. Geoffrey - open the medical chest please. And chuck me an opium tabloid while you're in there. I'm feeling a bit nauseous with the smell. It's terrible, isn't it T-G?"
"You think this is bad? Wait till you smell the mousse."
