Tuppence (yes, for it was he, surprise surprise) stood outside with legs braced, just visible through a vast cloud of blueberry-scented vape-steam. He waved a pistol in the direction of the hole in the wall.
'But - '
'No buts. Shift your fat lazy butts and start walking.'
'But wh - '
'Any more of that and I'll shoot. I mean it Uncle Tuppy and Uncle Geoffrey. Alexa says - '
'Who's Alexa?' I managed to ask.
'Alexa is my partner. I would say she's my girlfriend but I'm not sure which gender she is. And it's none of my business so I'm not even going to ask. And neither are you. All you need to know is, she plays bass in my new band, the one I want to tour German unis with, she's woke, and she's deeply resentful about brek-sit. Even more than I am.'
'But you're calling her 'she' Tuppence. Surely that means that she is a she and therefore IS your girlfriend?' I backed towards the fireplace, where I hoped to reach the poker and with any luck the button that operated the trap-door in the floor which led to the tunnels.
'I don't know and I don't care Uncle Tuppy. Anyway, we're prepared to accept that you two are much too old and thick to have made a considered and informed decision about brek-sit and therefore instead of killing you outright we've decided to simply lock you up somewhere secure until you die a natural death. Remember when you were a prisoner in the Chateau d'If Uncle Tuppy? (please see e-books and/or Seapenguin paperback for details) It'll be just like that except you won't ever get out. It's for your own good and that. You know as well as I do that you've no understanding of modern life and you're only in the way. You'll be chained to the wall but on the plus side you'll have basic rations, a straw mattress and a bucket to do the toilet in. Twice a day the tide will come in and you can have a bit of a wash in the icy seawater. It'll probably do you a world of good, sort of like a health spa.'
I groped behind me as I inched towards the fireplace. The lethal cold steel of the poker was almost within my grasp when suddenly there was a blinding flash, I felt a 'thud' on the back of my neck, everything went black and all I could smell was musty potatoes.
more later
No comments:
Post a Comment