Friday, 20 August 2010

The Giant Phag - an unexpected twist

"I spot an opportunity, Geoffrey. Get the coracle down from the attic. Is it caulked?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Caulked. Oh, never mind. Take that old korn bif tine in case we have to bale. And don't forget the medicine chest."
"Oh yes. I better make sure there's some Vick's in it, in case we catch a chill. It's a bit parky out there in the Bay."
"Yes, we can heat it up with some ribena on the primus - FOR FRIG'S sake! Vick's? What do we need with that when we've got every opiate known to man?"
"Opiates are no use for colds, Tuppy. There's nothing like Vick's for a chill."
"Oh well, if you feel you must. I don't suppose it takes up much room."
"That reminds me Tuppy. Why was the toadstool not allowed into the party?"
"Because there wasn't MUSHROOM inside. For pity's sake, let's get on with this. The nights are drawing in already."
"Yes. but wasn't he - Tuppy! Wasn't he -"
"WHAT?!"
"A FUN-GHI! a FUN - ghi! so, it's a shame he didn't get in!"
At this point, I sigh heavily, open the medicine chest and carefully select a vial of hi strenf tincture of laudanum. Just to numb the pain.
We WERE on our way to the Bay - what with the bed sheet landing on the bonce of Baby Orca, we thought we'd take the opportunity to inform him of Tuppence's nefarious plan to turn him into fishfingers. We MIGHT get there some time before next Christmas...

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