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Sunday 25 November 2012

I'm spinning in the Void and Geoffrey's stuck on Saturn's Ring - but which one?

It's not nice on the moon.  It's cold and there's nothing to eat.  I thought the Moon was made of cheese - it's not.  It's solid rock.  It's even harder than one of Granny Sooker's Rock Buns - and that's Hard.
I'm all alone and there's no-one to moan to, except myself.  Oh for my tartan knee rug and a hot steaming mug of Madeira partaken in front of a roaring driftwood fire.  Maybe a few packets of Doritos and a pipeful of - oh what's the point if I'm all alone.  Where oh where is Geoffrey?
"GEOFFREY!!!" I shrieked, into the ghastly void.
There was no response.  Of course there wasn't.  I was all alone on the dark side of the Moon, spinning like an unlighted lamp in the chilling blackness of the -
"TUPPY!  It's me - Geoffrey - I'm Over Here!"
"Over WHERE?"  I choked back my sobs and sat up.  Geoffrey's voice echoed as if from a great distance. 
"I'm stuck on Saturn's ring.  I've been here for ages and I can't get the frig off.  My wings were welded shut by the G Force when we got sneezed out of Kevin Bacon's nose. Do something Tuppy. I'm frightened."
Saturn's ring? But surely Saturn has more than one ring? I remembered that from one All Hallow's Eve, when the Tupfinder General gave us one of his unforgettable mind-expansion lectures instead of allowing us out guising. "You're just doing it for the sweets Tuppy. Besides, there's an upper age limit for guising and you passed it eons ago. "
"Who says?" I argued.  But I knew he was right. Hereabouts, if you grow taller than the fourth branch of the third rowan tree on the right as you head north south north on the clifftop path, you can no longer "Guise".  In fact, you can no longer do quite a few things, but that's another story. 
"Which ring are you stuck on, Geoffrey?" I shouted, knowing full well that it was pointless to ask because even if we could identify the ring, I had no means of getting there.

More later...............

Friday 23 November 2012

"Tuppy?"
"WHAT????" I bellowed, hands on hips. "HONestly Geoffrey. Can't you shut up for five minutes?  Or is it Too Much to Ask?"  I whined the last bit in the whiniest voice I could manage.
"Bit tetchy aren't you?"
the moon by sea penguin
"Sorry Geoffrey. But wouldn't you be tetchy if you'd been stuck up Kevin Bacon's nose for thirty three years (see previous posts)?"
"I HAVE been stuck up his nose for thirty three years.  I've been right here next to you."
Geoffrey's my best friend in all the world, but sometimes he can be a right pain in the -
"ATISHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And we were out. Free at last!
The blast of Kevin's sneeze was so powerful that we found ourselves launched into space.  For a few blissful light years we flew through the stars, blinded by tears of wonder and relief, hand in hand, or rather,  hoof in webbed foot. 
"Geoffrey! Look!  It's all so - so - marvellous...."
However, it didn't last.  The G force wrenched off my fleece and before I could say "footloose and fancy free" I found myself naked and shivering and alone.......on the Moon.......
But was I on the dark side, or the bright side, and where on earth is Geoffrey?

Saturday 17 November 2012

I'm having a bit of a think about what to do with the blog (this one).  I want to keep the focus on the Rocky Outcrop characters for now, and the e-books that feature them.   So, I've archived recent posts.  But I also like to have somewhere to ramble on, about various things such as what books I'm reading.  I'm unsure if I should do that here (she rambles) or just keep it Rocky Outcrop specific.
I'm also on the verge of starting another Rocky Outcrop Tale, featuring Tuppy, Geoffrey, Tuppence, the Tupfinder General et al, with more illustrations by Barry, but I haven't yet decided whether or not to blog it.
Hmm...

Wednesday 31 October 2012

The Old Asylum, part something or other. Bein' Deid's Barry Fun...

"Bein' deid's barry fun then, is it?" asked Stinkin' Maggie.
"Nobody has used that word since 1982," sneered corpse one.
"Weel it's rare fun then. Wicked fun, yeah?" she offered hopefully.
The three corpses rolled their dead eyes, which then fell out of their respective sockets and landed on the smoking ruins of the old asylum with a horrid splatting kind of noise.
Then they opened their cavernous mouths and let out a ghastly RAOAOAOAOAOAOAOARR!!!!!  The accompanying foul blast of breath was so powerful that it lifted Stinkin' Maggie into the air, and transported her back to the Black Hut, where Granny Mack waited patiently with a loaded shotgun, filling her time by biting the heads off kittens and spitting then into a pot for soup, while thinking up her latest homily with which to slowly but relentlessly bore her victims to death.
"Keep calm and...no, done that. If life gives you lemons...nope, done that too. If your glass looks half empty, cheer the fork up and pour yourself another...hmmmm...not quite there....It takes ninety five muscles to smile, and only one to frown...hmmm..noooo.....it's not what happens to you in life, it's how you deal with it....no, even I don't believe that...."
"STO-O-O-OP!!" shrieked Stinkin' Maggie, "I can't take any more positivity! Take me back to the dark lands where the spirits go...."
"All in good time, O Stinkin' One...now where was I? Oh yes. If you're down in the dumps, bake a cake! even better - a few hedgehogs.  Erm... what else? Have some Me-time...yes."
"SHUT UP!"
"Hark at you! Nobody's asking you to listen."
"Could you just help me get my leg out of the chimney stack then, and I'll be on my way?  thank you."

more later

 

Sunday 21 October 2012

Friday 12 October 2012

blaven isle of skye by sea penguin

dead tree st bride's church by sea penguin
 
Blaven sky-line, and a dead tree growing on St Bride's church wall, Isle of Skye.

Saturday 29 September 2012

#Sod the lot of U,
I'm avvin a fag
Sod the lot of U
I'm avvin a drag#

(repeat ad nauseam)

Thursday 27 September 2012

Five star review on Amazon

detail from sea penguin painting by barry nicol all rights reserved
A five star review has just appeared on Amazon.com for the first of my series of four e-books. 
"...you can even smell salt of the Sea of the Hebrides..."

(No, it's not been written by a friend or anyone I've asked!  I should get on that actually....)
Here's the link.

A previous review in Scottish literary magazine Northwords Now (in Spring 2011) said the tales (which hadn't yet at that time been published as e-books) were " a fun and sometimes spooky read". 

Please be aware that you don't need a Kindle or an e-reader to read these.  When you order one you can download a FREE app. to your PC, phone, whatever that enables you to read.
That's what I did anyway, as I don't possess an e-reader.  Only problem I've had with it is, I had to re-install it twice, but it was very easy.