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Sunday 22 September 2013

Why I Hate X Y and Z, growths, boils, and other awful rubbish

geoffrey by sea penguin
Geoffrey
"WTF are you doing Geoffrey?"
"I'm blogging. "
"Well would you mind doing it in the privacy of the latrine, or somewhere?  That tippy-tappy noise is spoiling my enjoyment of my fourth bacon and red sauce sandwich.  What's blogging, anyway?"
"Blogging is writing a whole load of crap about things nobody cares about, and then blasting it round the internet.  Or attempting to.  I've got a computer now, see?  I'm on the itternet."
"What's the itternet?  Don't you mean INTERnet?  Surely."
"No I don't.  I mean ITTERnet.  Leave me alone."
I peered over his shoulder. "WHY I AHTE.....you've spelled HATE wrong.  And what do you hate, anyway?  You're a very mild-mannered type as a rule."
"Stop it!  Go AWAY Tuppy.  I hate everything!  I'm an itternet hater!  I'm a troll!"
"You're not.  You've turned bright red.  You're getting hot and bothered.  You're embarrassed because you're writing a lot of rubbish that any right-thinking  person should be thoroughly ashamed of."
"Oh all right.  I admit it.  I was feeling neglected because you were spending too much time discussing that book about growths and boils with the new librarian from the mobile library and I needed some attention.  You're right.  I don't hate anyone."
"Except yourself.  Come on - say it after me.  I don't hate anyone - "
"Except myself."
"Louder please."
"I don't hate anyone except myself.  There."
"Thank you.  Now I can get on with reading more about growths and boils.  In peace."